[He felt lightheaded, dizzyingly blank enough even as tears kept coming. Because really he-
Everything that he'd believed in had apparently been crushed and tattered and strewn about and he couldn't see how here and now connected to then and would be, but there were patches of understanding, moments of maybe and he could sort of see it.
It hurt him so very much but he- was going to become a terrible person. He'd tried to make peace with it, to reject that that was him but-
But he didn't have a choice, did he?
It was going to happen no matter what he said, had already happened to everyone he cared about. Everyone had died. Even Kakashi had said so, that day, but he'd gotten better. He'd never met Naruto before here, but he could tell that something in their relationship had staggered, and it wouldn't be the same anymore.
Nothing would be the same anymore.
Everything was ruined and horrible, and he'd been so happy knowing he died a good person, knowing that he'd followed his beliefs to the end.
But that was gone now, pulled forcefully out of his hands one finger at a time, and he couldn't find a grip on that sort of peace anymore, couldn't breathe anymore.
It was suffocating him because why would there be two? What would be the point? There would be no point, because all bad things in the world, in the future, were leading back to him, and he hated it. Hated that he apparently had something like that inside him to turn loose on the world.
He hurt his family.
Sensei, Kushina-nee, their little boy he'd never met before this place. Worse still, he'd caused his blood family to suffer, had brought the wrath of the village quietly down on them with the Kyuubi and he clearly hadn't cared what would happen, what that would do.
And everyone had died. He was-
He should have died.
Heshould have died.
Because the world would have been better.
His words, when spoken, were so soft, and horribly empty, completely blank of any emotion at all.]
no subject
Everything that he'd believed in had apparently been crushed and tattered and strewn about and he couldn't see how here and now connected to then and would be, but there were patches of understanding, moments of maybe and he could sort of see it.
It hurt him so very much but he- was going to become a terrible person. He'd tried to make peace with it, to reject that that was him but-
But he didn't have a choice, did he?
It was going to happen no matter what he said, had already happened to everyone he cared about. Everyone had died. Even Kakashi had said so, that day, but he'd gotten better. He'd never met Naruto before here, but he could tell that something in their relationship had staggered, and it wouldn't be the same anymore.
Nothing would be the same anymore.
Everything was ruined and horrible, and he'd been so happy knowing he died a good person, knowing that he'd followed his beliefs to the end.
But that was gone now, pulled forcefully out of his hands one finger at a time, and he couldn't find a grip on that sort of peace anymore, couldn't breathe anymore.
It was suffocating him because why would there be two? What would be the point? There would be no point, because all bad things in the world, in the future, were leading back to him, and he hated it. Hated that he apparently had something like that inside him to turn loose on the world.
He hurt his family.
Sensei, Kushina-nee, their little boy he'd never met before this place. Worse still, he'd caused his blood family to suffer, had brought the wrath of the village quietly down on them with the Kyuubi and he clearly hadn't cared what would happen, what that would do.
And everyone had died. He was-
He should have died.
Heshould have died.
Because the world would have been better.
His words, when spoken, were so soft, and horribly empty, completely blank of any emotion at all.]
It's okay Kushina-nee.
I wouldn't run.